Inquiry 1: I Should Have Said Something
Introduction:
The first inquiry is the one that got the gears in my head turning, so to speak. The prompt involved picking a situation from your life, when you regretted not speaking out, to analyze. The final paper was to have a mixture of a narrative and collection of thought processes. I'm not sure that prior to this inquiry I had ever written a paper fully based on analyzing my own life. After thinking through the prompt and my choice of experience, I began to realize the importance of self-discovery in writing. As Norbet Platt once said, "The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium." All too often, it is easy to get caught up in a situation and what could have transpired. It isn't until you go back through the situation and analyze each moment that you can find that it went exactly as it was supposed to, even if the end result was not what you had anticipated. As I went back through my chosen situation, I began to realize that the way everything unfolded was exactly the way it needed to. And not only that, but what I saw as a bad result, was actually a moment of growth for me as a person.
I Should Have Said Something
One of the strongest bonds that can occur is the connection that siblings share. It is a bond that does not always make sense, yet somehow stands strong through thick and thin. At least that was the case for my brother, Frankie, and me. Frankie and I are very close due to the fact that we are only three years apart. The day I met him, I took a stand against giving up my only-child status and proceeded to beg my parents to throw him away. Since then, we have constantly been fighting, kicking, and screaming. I was convinced that once we both made it into our high school years that the arguing would slow down, at least enough to make it through a day without slammed doors. High school came and I was wrong; but I noticed that even through the fighting, there was still an unbreakable bond. We could hate
each other from sunrise to sunset, but at the end of the day, we were still family.
The one interest that we both shared when we were in high school was music. This interest put us in a whole new situation that we had never really experienced before. A situation that involved many more relationships than just our own: friendships, enemies, and teachers. As the older sister, I of course wanted to keep my brother from anything that could hurt him. I would warn him of certain people that he should not be hanging around, or make sure that he was all caught up on his
work. I would give him everything that he needed to succeed without any problems- answers, advice, anything. I vowed that I would never let another person hinder him from giving his opinion. If they did, I knew I would speak up.
Ironically, some of the most kairotic moments offered to an individual are the exact ones that they least expect. By the time I was in music class, my mind was blank and my reactions were slow. Rather than pursuing a conversation of my own, I would simply overhear the conversations of others. At times, these included some of my brother’s own conversations. In a room full of chaotic and loud music, it was not always easy to hear what people said, but I kept a keen eye on my brother.
One day in class, our teacher asked for opinions about how everyone would like to perform for the next year. My brother raised his hand for his own opinion. In all of the chaotic shouts that followed suggesting various things, I overheard two boys begin to berate my brother; they wanted to make it known to the whole class that my
brother was voting for the popular opinion.
In the first few moments, I sat and listened, caught off guard with nothing to say. It is here in this “caught in the middle”moment that you evaluate your experiences, your relationships, your memories and your mistakes. If you speak out against one person, it can come across as speaking out against a whole entire group of people. You have to carefully weigh out each friendship and how it will be affected. Both Cory and August were within my network of friends; August and I even
sat at the same lunch table. Both of these boys were the type of person that would be extremely nice to you in person while secretly condemning your very existence in their mind. They denied their mistakes and could wear a mask better than any actor on Broadway. That was the way most of our band worked- two-faced. That is what kept people sane and under control. To simply speak up against Cory and August would not only have the possibility of ruining another relationship- because of the connections we had- but it would also make me look as though I was the one in the wrong and make me the subject of the band members’ two-faced conversations.
Beyond these relationships- the endless tangle of delicate networking- sat memories of people who had spoken up too much, too little, or when the time was just right. Those who specifically came to mind, two close friends, Nicole and Kristy, came from very distant, polar ends of the spectrum; both lacking self-control. Nicole spoke whenever she was given the opportunity. Kristy said nothing. Seeing the results of these choices, opposite in choice, yet almost similar in level of
control, I decided I would not be like them; I would be like my father.
As August bothered my brother, I sat helpless. While class went on, the regret of my silence weighed me down more and more. This feeling was not unique to me. It was not the first time that I chose silence while I had heard August or Cory tear down another classmate. I had always regretted my lack of a voice and promised that I would speak up next time, until next time came. My senses became heightened in that moment to anything that Cory and August would say. I waited for them to say one more word to my brother.
I remembered my father and the respect that he has gained from his decisions to remain silent or speak up depending on the circumstance. My father is not a loud person, but he is a leader. He heads up a team in the U.S. Postal Inspection Service and has worked in both the FBI and the NCIS. His boss has often consulted him for advice and information. At home, like at work, he is often quiet; but when he speaks, people listen. His words have gravity, the reason being is that he neither throws them around or lets them get pushed under the rug. He knows when to speak and how to speak. He takes after his father. Even though the
memories I have of my grandpa are few, I know that he was the one who instilled in my father values such as wisdom, integrity and respect. I want to be just like them, and have the ability to know when to speak up. This skill gave them something that not many people get. When they spoke, people listened; really, truly
listened.
My moment came about five minutes later, when Cory decided to once again bother my brother. I’m not even sure that I could remember what exactly was said. I just know that the pain of regret and the want to protect my brother ran through my soul faster than a bolt of lightning. Without a second thought, I just spoke. I have not yet mastered the skill of speaking with grace and poise, so the words I used were not exactly mountain-moving. I could hear my heart pounding; I could feel my blood pressure and temperature rise steeply. As most of the class listened, I made my point. I simply stated that I did not want another word to pass between Cory and my brother, and not another word was said.
While I still wish I would have just spoken up sooner, that is not important now. What matters are the moments and thoughts that passed between when I should have spoken up, and when I actually did. In those five minutes, the sibling bond between my brother and I became stronger. Also the respect I have for my father
became deeper. I learned in those moments that the choice of silence is one that separates the fearful and fearless, the wise and foolish. At times, silence can earn you respect; while at other times you lose all respect. Wisdom does not always mean keeping the peace, or “keeping your friends close and your enemies
closer”. Wisdom is the ability to know when your voice needs to be heard and having the audacity to use it.
To the reader:
As I was writing this paper, the intended purpose evolved through each choice I made about the topic, reflection, focus, and phrasing. The purpose I had in mind when first contemplating how I wanted to write this paper revolved the idea of not being afraid to speak out. As I reflect on my life, I can see many occurrences in which this idea would fit perfectly, but it does not encompass my purpose here. Through the events that I described in my paper, and many others like them, the lessons I learned transcended to deeper levels than simply “speak out”. My purpose in this paper is to see beyond the surface of mistakes made in when and how individuals speak. I want the reader to see that there is meaning in silence just as much as there is meaning in spoken words.
With this purpose in mind, my intended audience is those in college and high school; young adults. The reason I have this group of people in mind is because I believe that those are the people most facing opportunities in roles of leadership. In these positions, it is vital to know the delicate balance between speaking and
silence. In my specific situation, I was put in a role of leadership as a senior. That age is also most easily relatable for high school and college students.
I struggled with choosing what event to write about. I had one in mind, that occurred recently (actually right after the paper was assigned), but I chose not to write about that. To be completely honest, the reason I did not choose that situation was because it is extremely personal and I still am personally reflecting upon and sorting through it. Of course, I remember the more recent situation in greater detail but I did not feel as though this paper fit it exactly. The events I did choose to write about fit the prompt’s setting better than the others. It took me a day or two of juggling the possibilities of situations I could write about. I believe the more recent has a greater gravity in its message but like I said, it was the wrong setting for this paper. Ironically though, the prompt for this paper is assisting me in my own personal reflection of the recent issue I had with speaking out.
After figuring out which events I wanted to incorporate into my paper, I was very glad that we wrote out some of our ideas on the forum in class because it set the gears turning in my mind. Before I could put all of those ideas together though, I had to figure out an introduction which was a task in and of itself. I decided
to appeal to the reader by using pathos immediately. This also allowed for an introduction of the main focus of the paper: relationships and how they affect one’s
choices.
Throughout the writing and revising process of this paper, I decided to go about fulfilling the prompt by alternating the narrative and reflection multiple times.
I hope that this also creates tension and keeps the paper interesting for the reader. I also had to work on putting more details into the paper, especially the narrative, which was a struggle because my main focus for the rough draft was the reflection.
Before coming to class on the day that the rough draft was due, I had a friend read through it which helped immensely, especially with grammar and sentence structure. He also showed me how much re-reading a rough draft out loud can bring out problems that you would not realize had you not verbally read them. The peer reviews from the in-class forum also really assisted me in better shaping my paper to fit the prompt. They also revealed areas that I needed to further explain to the reader. The activities we did in class, including re-writing sentences and changing up the style of the paper, really assisted me in revising the paper.
My hopes for this paper are that the reader can make deep connections between their own personal experiences and those that I wrote about. It is in those deep connections that the reader will learn the most and will hopefully be able to apply the lessons I have learned to their own life.
Alexis Pihoker
each other from sunrise to sunset, but at the end of the day, we were still family.
The one interest that we both shared when we were in high school was music. This interest put us in a whole new situation that we had never really experienced before. A situation that involved many more relationships than just our own: friendships, enemies, and teachers. As the older sister, I of course wanted to keep my brother from anything that could hurt him. I would warn him of certain people that he should not be hanging around, or make sure that he was all caught up on his
work. I would give him everything that he needed to succeed without any problems- answers, advice, anything. I vowed that I would never let another person hinder him from giving his opinion. If they did, I knew I would speak up.
Ironically, some of the most kairotic moments offered to an individual are the exact ones that they least expect. By the time I was in music class, my mind was blank and my reactions were slow. Rather than pursuing a conversation of my own, I would simply overhear the conversations of others. At times, these included some of my brother’s own conversations. In a room full of chaotic and loud music, it was not always easy to hear what people said, but I kept a keen eye on my brother.
One day in class, our teacher asked for opinions about how everyone would like to perform for the next year. My brother raised his hand for his own opinion. In all of the chaotic shouts that followed suggesting various things, I overheard two boys begin to berate my brother; they wanted to make it known to the whole class that my
brother was voting for the popular opinion.
In the first few moments, I sat and listened, caught off guard with nothing to say. It is here in this “caught in the middle”moment that you evaluate your experiences, your relationships, your memories and your mistakes. If you speak out against one person, it can come across as speaking out against a whole entire group of people. You have to carefully weigh out each friendship and how it will be affected. Both Cory and August were within my network of friends; August and I even
sat at the same lunch table. Both of these boys were the type of person that would be extremely nice to you in person while secretly condemning your very existence in their mind. They denied their mistakes and could wear a mask better than any actor on Broadway. That was the way most of our band worked- two-faced. That is what kept people sane and under control. To simply speak up against Cory and August would not only have the possibility of ruining another relationship- because of the connections we had- but it would also make me look as though I was the one in the wrong and make me the subject of the band members’ two-faced conversations.
Beyond these relationships- the endless tangle of delicate networking- sat memories of people who had spoken up too much, too little, or when the time was just right. Those who specifically came to mind, two close friends, Nicole and Kristy, came from very distant, polar ends of the spectrum; both lacking self-control. Nicole spoke whenever she was given the opportunity. Kristy said nothing. Seeing the results of these choices, opposite in choice, yet almost similar in level of
control, I decided I would not be like them; I would be like my father.
As August bothered my brother, I sat helpless. While class went on, the regret of my silence weighed me down more and more. This feeling was not unique to me. It was not the first time that I chose silence while I had heard August or Cory tear down another classmate. I had always regretted my lack of a voice and promised that I would speak up next time, until next time came. My senses became heightened in that moment to anything that Cory and August would say. I waited for them to say one more word to my brother.
I remembered my father and the respect that he has gained from his decisions to remain silent or speak up depending on the circumstance. My father is not a loud person, but he is a leader. He heads up a team in the U.S. Postal Inspection Service and has worked in both the FBI and the NCIS. His boss has often consulted him for advice and information. At home, like at work, he is often quiet; but when he speaks, people listen. His words have gravity, the reason being is that he neither throws them around or lets them get pushed under the rug. He knows when to speak and how to speak. He takes after his father. Even though the
memories I have of my grandpa are few, I know that he was the one who instilled in my father values such as wisdom, integrity and respect. I want to be just like them, and have the ability to know when to speak up. This skill gave them something that not many people get. When they spoke, people listened; really, truly
listened.
My moment came about five minutes later, when Cory decided to once again bother my brother. I’m not even sure that I could remember what exactly was said. I just know that the pain of regret and the want to protect my brother ran through my soul faster than a bolt of lightning. Without a second thought, I just spoke. I have not yet mastered the skill of speaking with grace and poise, so the words I used were not exactly mountain-moving. I could hear my heart pounding; I could feel my blood pressure and temperature rise steeply. As most of the class listened, I made my point. I simply stated that I did not want another word to pass between Cory and my brother, and not another word was said.
While I still wish I would have just spoken up sooner, that is not important now. What matters are the moments and thoughts that passed between when I should have spoken up, and when I actually did. In those five minutes, the sibling bond between my brother and I became stronger. Also the respect I have for my father
became deeper. I learned in those moments that the choice of silence is one that separates the fearful and fearless, the wise and foolish. At times, silence can earn you respect; while at other times you lose all respect. Wisdom does not always mean keeping the peace, or “keeping your friends close and your enemies
closer”. Wisdom is the ability to know when your voice needs to be heard and having the audacity to use it.
To the reader:
As I was writing this paper, the intended purpose evolved through each choice I made about the topic, reflection, focus, and phrasing. The purpose I had in mind when first contemplating how I wanted to write this paper revolved the idea of not being afraid to speak out. As I reflect on my life, I can see many occurrences in which this idea would fit perfectly, but it does not encompass my purpose here. Through the events that I described in my paper, and many others like them, the lessons I learned transcended to deeper levels than simply “speak out”. My purpose in this paper is to see beyond the surface of mistakes made in when and how individuals speak. I want the reader to see that there is meaning in silence just as much as there is meaning in spoken words.
With this purpose in mind, my intended audience is those in college and high school; young adults. The reason I have this group of people in mind is because I believe that those are the people most facing opportunities in roles of leadership. In these positions, it is vital to know the delicate balance between speaking and
silence. In my specific situation, I was put in a role of leadership as a senior. That age is also most easily relatable for high school and college students.
I struggled with choosing what event to write about. I had one in mind, that occurred recently (actually right after the paper was assigned), but I chose not to write about that. To be completely honest, the reason I did not choose that situation was because it is extremely personal and I still am personally reflecting upon and sorting through it. Of course, I remember the more recent situation in greater detail but I did not feel as though this paper fit it exactly. The events I did choose to write about fit the prompt’s setting better than the others. It took me a day or two of juggling the possibilities of situations I could write about. I believe the more recent has a greater gravity in its message but like I said, it was the wrong setting for this paper. Ironically though, the prompt for this paper is assisting me in my own personal reflection of the recent issue I had with speaking out.
After figuring out which events I wanted to incorporate into my paper, I was very glad that we wrote out some of our ideas on the forum in class because it set the gears turning in my mind. Before I could put all of those ideas together though, I had to figure out an introduction which was a task in and of itself. I decided
to appeal to the reader by using pathos immediately. This also allowed for an introduction of the main focus of the paper: relationships and how they affect one’s
choices.
Throughout the writing and revising process of this paper, I decided to go about fulfilling the prompt by alternating the narrative and reflection multiple times.
I hope that this also creates tension and keeps the paper interesting for the reader. I also had to work on putting more details into the paper, especially the narrative, which was a struggle because my main focus for the rough draft was the reflection.
Before coming to class on the day that the rough draft was due, I had a friend read through it which helped immensely, especially with grammar and sentence structure. He also showed me how much re-reading a rough draft out loud can bring out problems that you would not realize had you not verbally read them. The peer reviews from the in-class forum also really assisted me in better shaping my paper to fit the prompt. They also revealed areas that I needed to further explain to the reader. The activities we did in class, including re-writing sentences and changing up the style of the paper, really assisted me in revising the paper.
My hopes for this paper are that the reader can make deep connections between their own personal experiences and those that I wrote about. It is in those deep connections that the reader will learn the most and will hopefully be able to apply the lessons I have learned to their own life.
Alexis Pihoker